How avoiding your emotions may be causing you more pain.
We’ve all been there — we’re facing a painful situation but it just seems like too much to actually give ourselves space and time to actually feel it. We carry on like nothing has happened, as best as we can. We pretend that avoiding this painful experience will make all of our uncomfortable feelings disappear.
But as good as this feels in the moment, refusing to acknowledge and accept our difficult emotions may actually be increasing our pain.
Here’s why:
Buildup of emotional energy - Emotions are energy. Emotions come from neurotransmitters in our brain which typically lead us to “doing” — for example: joy may drive us to celebrate, sadness may drive us to connect with others, fear may drive us to seek safety. If we try to avoid and stuff all this energy down, our body can’t “resolve” the emotional process it was trying to take us on. This can result in the accumulation of pent-up emotions, which may lead to increased emotional tension and stress or even to physical impacts such as difficulty sleeping, headaches, or increased physical tension. Letting our emotional energy may also lead to…
Emotional outbursts - Now don’t get me wrong — I’m all for expressing emotions, even the uncomfortable ones. But when we push down our emotions over and over, we may end up like a shaken soda bottle and “flipping our lid” in unexpected settings. The timing and intensity of “emotional outbursts” of the pent-up emotions may feel out of our control and may cause damage to our workplace or close, familial relationships.
Speaking of relationships, avoiding our emotions may lead to…
Interference with relationships - Avoiding emotions can affect our own abilities to connect with people in our lives. Relationships are built on shared emotional safety and expression — if we’re avoiding our own emotions, we are likely avoiding intimate connections with our loved ones and are likely having difficulty maintaining safe emotional space for them. Additionally, emotional avoidance may lead to misunderstandings, miscommunication, and conflict, as your loved ones may find it challenging to understand your true feelings.
Impaired decision-making - There exists a cultural myth that decisions should be made purely from a place of logic. Yet emotions are often helpful indicators of our values, desires, and needs which are helpful in making decisions. When emotions are ignored or pushed aside, we might make decisions that may not align with our true values or needs.
And finally,
Loss of self-understanding and awareness - Consistent avoidance of our own emotions may lead to a loss of self-awareness and stunt our own personal growth. We can’t move through what we deny actually exists. Acknowledging and feeling your emotions is a crucial element of self-understanding and growth.
Addressing and processing emotions — even if uncomfortable — is crucial for emotional, relational, physical, and mental well-being. If acknowledging your emotions seems overwhelming, I’m here to help.
I encourage you to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with me. I’d love to talk with you about working together to help you start shifting your emotional landscape.
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Erin Drum, LCSW, is a mental health therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah who provides EMDR therapy, emotion-focused therapy, and IFS-informed approaches to help clients find inner peace and acceptance.
